MVN: Most Valuable Network

I'm feeling a little generous tonight, so I thought I'd dispense a little blogger wisdom to the powers that be in Detroit sports.

You can consider me Detroit's Dear Abby, who's dishing out a little tough love.

William Clay Ford: DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! A vote of confidence, talk to the press, something to let me know you plan on kicking ass and cleaning house when the season ends. 

Martin Mayhew: Yes, you've done well in getting a king's ransom in draft picks for Roy Williams, and I can understand your taking a flier on Daunte Culpepper. But you have the stink of Millen all over you. Your future isn't in Detroit. So please leave.

Rod Marinelli: I'm concerned for your mental welfare. Seriously, stop with the constant allegories, you're scaring me. Just resign, for the sake of everyone's mental health.

Dave Dombrowski: DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! A trade, a free agent signing, something to let me know you're making the Tigers better.

Jim Leyland: I hope you know as things now stand, 3/5 of your infield couldn't hit their way out of a dry, wet or no paper bag. Actually, you don't even have 2/5 of your infield, so how about lighting a fire under your boss' ass?

Rich Rodriguez: Don't you DARE tell the Wolverine fanbase how to think! This is your mess (with a little help from Lloyd Carr leaving the proverbial cupboard barren). Clean it up, and don't start pointing fingers at the fans for caring too much. It's so NOT Michigan.

Mark Dantonio: When you refuse to admit you need to root for Michigan to beat the University of Oho State, you are only confirming the belief MSU has an unhealthy obsession with all things Michigan Wolverines. You want the "little brother" stigma to go away? Stop acting like one.

Mike Babcock: Just keep doing what you're doing. Well, I do have one suggestion. Play Ty Conklin more.

Ken Holland: Tell Uncle Mike to play Conklin. Otherwise, we're cool.

Michael Curry: There's one simple recipe to making it through the regular season. Less starters, more bench. You do NOT need to be playing the starters 35+ minutes in November.

Joe Dumars: I think you have a plan. I hope you have a plan. At least something more than, "I sure hope we can sign one of the big time free agents in '09 and/or '10."

Drew Sharp and Rob Parker: STOP! Just stop it! I've had enough of the BS being spewed from your keyboards. Nothing you could write from here on out will ever convince me you are anything more than hacks. Your time has passed, make way for bloggers.