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The Detroit Lions played their worst game of the season last Sunday, getting shutout by a Green Bay Packers team who wasn't all that much better performance-wise...yet still smoked Detroit by 26 points.
To lose 26-0 to a team that reached the red zone five times, yet only scored one touchdown, while managing to pile up 130 yards in penalties, could only happen to the Lions. They should have lost by 50+, but the Pack happened to be in an overly generous mood. They gave Detroit every opportunity to get back in the game, and the Lions did little more than pound sand the semi-frozen tundra.
As you might guess, there were plenty of Lions who could have earned a prestigious TWFE Facepalm. But only a few are chosen. Here are the chosen few.
Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Facepalm - Daunte Culpepper: The Thalberg Favepalm is awarded to quarterbacks whose bodies of work reflect a consistently low quality of play. As a Lion, Culpepper has been very consistent...consistently bad.
His play against the Packers had me wondering one thing. Just how, exactly, did Culpepper last 11 seasons in the NFL? He's slow to release the ball, lacks mobility and seems to wait a millisecond too long to make a decision as what he should do with the ball, giving the defense an opportunity to make a play. To show how truly awful Culpepper was on Sunday, his QB rating for the day was an amazingly low 22.3. I have no damn idea how the NFL calculates their convoluted QB ratings, but I do know 22.3 SUCKS.
To emphasize how atrocious Culpepper's day was, his yards per passing attempt was...3.5. When your YPA is that damn low, you shouldn't even be on the field...or in the NFL.
I never want to root for a player to get seriously hurt. I'm not that kind of person. But...when I saw Culpepper come up lame, pulling a hamstring while running out of bounds early in the 2nd half, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Drew Stanton couldn't do any worse, so get Culpepper's lame ass out of the f'n game!"
The next award shows just what I know...
Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Facepalm - Drew Stanton: The Hersholt Facepalm is awarded to an individual who was a part of an outstanding contribution to the opposition's victory. As I gave Culpepper a Facepalm for his God awful QB rating reflecting his low quality of play, how could I not give Stanton a Facepalm when his QB rating on Sunday was even LOWER? Yes, Stanton put up an unthinkably low 22.0 QB rating against the Pack.
I'm sorry, but even though the Lions have treated the former Sparty like so much extra baggage, and have expected next to nothing from him, when you call on to enter the game you are expected to perform. Stanton did perform...to the benefit of Green Bay. His completed only 45% of his passes, took 3 sacks, threw a pair of picks, and generally lived up to the Lions' low expectations.
Welcome to the world of Facepalms, Drew.
Best Unique and Artistic Quality Facepalm - Jason Hanson: I know, I know, Hanson didn't do a damn thing on Sunday. But that's what so unique about his day.
Hanson kicked off to start the game, then he could have hit the showers. Hell, he wouldn't have needed to take a shower! The Lions' offense was so inept (see the above Facepalms) there were no field goal attempts, PAT's, or other kickoffs. Hanson could have stayed back in Detroit, as his services, as good as they normally are, weren't needed. Typical of the Lions, finding a way to bury on the sidelines their most valuable player (as I've called Hanson in many a live blog).
I'm sorry, Jason. Your bizarre day earns you a Facepalm. As it is, I'm sure you were sitting on the bench, facepalming away...
Best Actor in a Supporting Role Facepalm - Stan Kwan: Kwan nails down another Facepalm for the great acting job he's doing in impersonating a special teams coach. How else can you explain the horribly conceived and badly implemented fake punt on Sunday? It had to have been designed by someone who isn't an NFL assistant coach, but plays one on TV.
Nick Harris never looked so uncomfortable in his life when he went under center. The play took was so slow to get moving, the Packers' punt return team were looking at the scoreboard clock, having already smoked out a fake punt was underway, wondering what was taking so f'n long? Fans back in Detroit could only shake their heads in frustration, wondering why Kwan was kept on staff even though his special teams were the worst in the NFL under Rod Marinelli.
Stan, your trophy case is filling rapidly with Facepalms. I'd suggest you invest in a larger one, if you know what I mean...
Gentlemen, your efforts on Sunday have been recognized for what they were...Facepalm worthy!
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